The Scott Hamilton

Seeing that the 'Couv Olympics ended today, we at the blog did some reflecting and decided to write about the one  thing that truly stuck out during these Winter Olympics.  We are, of course, referring to the figure skating commentary of Scott Hamilton.  Hamilton was as emotional as he was bald (if not more so).  Every single jump drew the same level of emotion and it was impossible to distinguish if Hamilton was disgusted or supremely impressed.  Even the Poo Bird chimed in about his commentary.  She would repeatedly say, "This Brian O'Brian guy needs to chill out."  By Brian O'Brian she meant Brian Boitano, another male U.S. figure skating icon.  Despite the fact that she was confusing Brian Boitano with Scott Hamilton, her analysis stands strong.  Hamilton did indeed need to chill out. (click here for evidence of his excitement)

What is clear is that Scott Hamilton is passionate about skating.  We at the blog wish to thank him for sharing his passion with us and we can think of no better way to thank him than naming a drink after him.  But what drink?  We at the blog feel it would be most appropriate to incorporate previous drinks we have named after people.

The John Daly
- for those unfamiliar with John Daly, he is a pro golfer known for hitting the long ball (aka feeding the big dog).  He is also known for smoking a cig while playing and wearing crazy pants.  (as a homework project, this blogger gives everyone the assignment to do a google image search of 'Jon Daly pants'...you wont be disappointed.)
- The drink we made up: A John Daly is a combination of beer and sparks, it screams class and energy just like its namesake.

The Harold Reynolds
- Harold Reynolds is a former baseball player and ESPN analyst who got fired for hitting on an intern while not wearing pants.
- The drink we made up: A Harold Reynolds is a John Daly, drank while not wearing pants.

The Scott Hamilton
- Our newest concoction.  The Scott Hamilton drink shall be a John Daly (beer and sparks) in which after every sip you must moan loudly in agony or delight after each sip.  People will not know whether you've been poisoned or are drinking the finest drink the world has ever known.

Here's to Scott Hamilton, cheers.  (oooohhhh eeeeekkk aaaaccccchhhhh)

G.T.L.

We all know that our friends at the Jersey Shore have their own G.T.L. (Gym, Tan, Laundry) that they all do everyday.  But we at the blog asked members of the Lake Michigan Shore what their G.T.L.s were.  Here are their responses.

Mike, a.k.a. "the stimulation" said his G.T.L. is "Gel (for his hair), Turkey Sandwiches, Ladies."

Kirky D, who knows better than to be "the stimulation's" wingman, said his G.T.L. is "Grubbin, Tootin, and Loungin."

Sconnie (Wisconsin's Ronnie), who dares anyone to come at these beef pipes bro', said his G.T.L. is "Gabies (men's bum cheeks), Top-shorts (aka t-shirts), Laying (on his belly playing computer games)."

Minnie (Minnesota's Vinnie), loves fist pumping to Soulja Boy and Sarah Bareilles, said his G.T.L. is "Gatorade, Toppers (pizza), and Liquor."

C-Woww, likes HAM...and WATER, says her G.T.L. is "Gorgeous, Terrorizing (Kirk), Lip Cuddles (a.k.a. kissing)."

Bootsy Sweetheart, he's the cutest cat you've ever seen, says his G.T.L. is "Gnawing (on chew toys), Tummy rubs, Licking himself."

Snookole,  the Princess of Potawatomi, says her G.T.L. is "Giggling, Taking cats to emergency rooms, and Larceny (we know about the wine bottle at Malpo Ball)."

Graphs

In an effort to create a more professional environment, we at the blog asked ourselves, "what's more professional than graphs?"  Probably nothing (although wearing pants around the headquarters would be another step in the right direction).

What's got two thumbs and loves pizza?

This guy!

 

After a recent job interview for a guest blogger position, at blog headquarters, the interviewee was caught on surveillance camera (pictured above).  This is a still image from the video.  Audio from the tape includes the following dialog between the candidate, a passerby and a renowned blogger:

Candidate: "Oh what up, the Hoff dropped his pizza!"

Passerby: "That's not pizza, its a pie graph, and its covered in Hoff slobber."

Candidate: "Oh I love Hoff Slobber-flavored pie graph pizza!"

Passerby: "I think that jacket is cutting off blood flow to your brain grapes."

Candidate: "Yes, that's right, it is.  I stole it from some guy named Joey Eastside."

Renowned blogger: "Are you eating the pie graph?  Do you like it?"

Candidate: no response...just continued eating and gave it two thumbs up.

Renowned blogger: "You're hired."

Poo Bird (heard singing in the distance): "whhhyyyy yoouuuu gggooootttttaaa beeee uppp onnn meee likee thattttt, yeeahhhh."

Problem Solved

We at the blog have solved the question of what happened to the missing piece of the pie graph.  It was an honest mistake.  Our old buddy the Hoff stopped by the headquarters and mistook the pizza section of the pie graph for a real piece of pizza.  Surveillance cameras caught the image below.  Boy is he embarrassed, and drunk.  (just by reading his lips you can tell he was about to say, "shhheeeesh, thisss pizzaaa tasssstes like a piee graphhh.")

Popularity Graph

In a recent poll, readers of this blog submitted their answer for their favorite things in life.  The answers are displayed below.



However, we at the blog are concerned about the pizza section of the pie graph, as it looks like its being removed.  Hopefully we'll find where its heading soon.

Best Video Ever

I was asked about the name Walter Wigglcheeks earlier today, so I was working with the Audio/Video department to find a video of a bulldog waddling its cheeks as it walked.  I didn't find an acceptable video of that, but I did happen to stumble upon what is arguably the greatest video of all time. Please enjoy! (sound is not necessary for the enjoyment)

Weekly Awards

It is time once again to hand out the weekly awards.  You may notice there are a few new categories this week, which goes to show that if you do somethiing outrageous, you'll probably get an award for it.  Please feel free to submit nominations for awards in the comment section too.

Most prominent nickname for the Poo Bird: Slider
 - this nickname came as a result of the author saying: "I'm as tired as a hamburger."  Naturally, the Poo Bird is much smaller and cuter than the author, so Slider was a perfect fit.
- a special note about sliders.  I want to congratulate the restaurant industry for making it socially acceptable to have a cheeseburger before your actual meal comes.  We were all thinking, "man am I hungry, this giant bowl of pasta wont fill me up, I better have a few small cheeseburgers to warm me up."

Song of the week sung by the Poo Bird: Toes, by Zac Brown Band
- sample lyrics from the Slider, "Adios and vaya con migos, yeah I'm leaving VA..."
- actual lyrics, "Adios and vaya con dios, yeah I"m leaving GA..."
- sample lyrics from the Hamburger, "Got my ass in the water, toes in my hands..." (I thought it created a nice mental picture, somewhat like the kid from Billy Madison sitting on a fountain)
- actual lyrics, "Got my toes in the water, ass in the sand."

Self-appointed nickname of the week: *Tie* Joey Eastside and Mikey Big Time.
- normally the author prefers to distribute (and enforce) nicknames, but when self-appointed gems like these emerge, who can argue with their brilliance.

Best bar game of the week: Collin or 1920's radio broadcaster
- Hamburger and Mr. Mariachi (Tidwell) decided that Joey Eastside's impression of Collin sounded very similar to a 1920's radio announcer.
- Joey embraced this phenomenon and quickly produced several rounds of chatter in which the audience had to guess whether he was doing a Collin or 1920's impression.
- a special thanks for the multiple mentions of J. Edgar Hoover and Speakeasy's, those were real rib-ticklers.

Graphics Department

A reader with an astute eye, noticed that the photos listed under Mariachi Madness were indeed doctored.  I personally thought the graphics department did a first-rate job and I thought nobody would notice that the photos were retouched.  As evidence of the Graphics Department's skill I'd like to show you a real picture and a retouched picture for comparison purposes.

Real (unretouched) Picture:

 

Doctored Photo:

Notice how the facial hair in both pictures is very similar.  Kudos to the Graphics Department, sharp broadcast everybody, Neat-O!

Mariachi Madness

We at the blog would like to introduce a new feature called Mariachi Madness.  What does this consist of, you ask?  Simple, you take a student directory picture and turn it into a member of a mariachi band.  The madness comes into play once that student sees their picture.